Welcome back to Living With Parkinson's, the good, the bad, and the reality. And I'm Bryce. And if you're new here, this podcast is all about real and honest conversations about life with Parkinson's. And I talk about the good, the bad, and most importantly, the reality of what it's like living with this diagnosis. So last episode, I shared my personal journey and my diagnosis, um, you know, what it's been like living with Parkinson's and how it's changed my life. And honestly, I was blown away by the response. It absolutely, the comments, the messages, the support, it reminded me of why I started to do this in the first place. So thank you for that. I really, really appreciate it. So today we want to talk about something that's every single person with Parkinson's has to face, and that's change. This disease forces us to stop doing certain things and change how we do others and adapt in ways that we never expected. So this episode, I'm going to share, um, what I've had to stop, change, what I've had to adapt since my diagnosis and how I've learned to move forward despite the challenges. You know, it's, uh, it's all about change and, you know, things that we have to stop doing. We can't, okay. It's all, it's hard. It's hard to stop doing things that we don't want to do. It's really, really tough. So I've tried to thought, I tried to think of some of the things that I've completely had to stop. And then something hit me like the biggest one by far was probably leaving my job, you know, in 2020, my work, the travel, the responsibilities, um, just became overwhelming to me. Uh, it just, they became too much. I tried to push through for as long as I could, but at some point, you know, you have to actually stop and be honest with yourself, right? So I had to stop being honest with myself. It just wasn't sustainable anymore. And that was really, really, really hard. You know, for years, my career was such a huge part of my identity and probably was most of my identity, to be honest with you. Um, and then suddenly it's just gone and you have to figure out. I had to figure out, you know, what to do, what does that mean? And what's next. And, um, you know, the reality is for me personally, I just, I was, so I got diagnosed at 40, um, in 20, uh, 2010. And so 2010, I got diagnosed at 40. Yeah, 2020, it's almost 15 years ago. It's incredible. Uh, anyway, um, so about 10 years after diagnosis. So about 2020, uh, is when that, that reality hit me. And, and, you know, I, I had a, I had a job with a lot of responsibilities and I traveled a lot and I was realizing that, you know, I'd get off the plane. Um, I drive home and literally hit the couch, uh, trying to think about what I was going to eat. Cause I was so hungry. Um, and then fall asleep. And I literally would be on that couch. Oops. I'd literally be on that couch sometimes even for a day. Like I couldn't get off. I was exhausted. I was just totally burnt out. Um, so I realized these trips and the travel and the stress and everything that comes along with that, um, was really, really, really starting to just knock me out, right. They became longer, you know, in the old days, in the old days, um, you know, everybody, everybody, not everybody, a lot of people struggle with, you know, jet lag and you're tired after a trip and that's a normal tired, right. Um, but this was becoming where it just kept getting like longer and longer and longer was like my recovery time to kind of get back to, to whatever whatever I considered normal. Um, and you know, I had a young family at this time. Um, and if my kids are listening or watching, they're going to say, we weren't that young dad. Um, but you know, they were younger and you had to face reality. I didn't want to, and I hope this really makes sense to you. And hopefully just take this one to the bank. I didn't want the best of me and Parkinson's to be at work. And then my family, my kids got the worst of me, if that makes sense. So, you know, I was on, you know, you get on, you have to be up and on to, to do the things that you want to do. Um, I wanted to be on, I had to be on, you know, at work, right. It had to be present. I had to be excited and passionate. I, and so I had to like, I expended all my energy within those eight to 10 hours a day or however long it was going to be that day. Um, and then come home and just, again, just flop on the couch or be so exhausted, I barely get food into me and then just have to go lie down. Um, and that, and so I had to look at that and say, I didn't, I wanted my family. I wanted my kids to have, you know, at the time I kept thinking, I don't know much longer I have before I'm going to be able to not do a lot of other things that I currently do. And I didn't want those, those times to be robbed. So I, I got to that point where the job was outweighing my family, right. Family. Um, so I had to make that decision. It was a, it was a, it was a decision and I know it's a hard decision because you have to grapple with a lot of things, you know, you had to look at finances and career and is it time? Do I have enough time to not work? And honestly, I was, I was, I was younger. Um, um, and the truth of the matter is it felt really weird to me because I didn't feel sick enough if that's, that's a horrible word, but I didn't feel sick enough to stop working. You know, I, I, I could still get by, I could still do it. I could still, um, you know, fake it till I made it. I guess if that's, you know, at least to say that, but I could still do it. And, and I, and, and I just felt like I'm too young and to, to stop working. And what are people going to think? And do I have enough money and whatnot? And I realized at the time, no, I didn't have enough money to retire. And I knew it was too young and I still wanted to be productive. Um, so, uh, but you know, those decisions and those times in life where you have to make these gut wrenching, what do you feel at the time or just gut wrenching decisions like this, this is going to be whatever I decide is going to change the, alter the course of my life. And sometimes they do, but I have this inner belief, I guess, maybe it's just me, but I believe sometimes when you step out and you make a decision for the right reasons, it's like you're rewarded for it. And, you know, within a year, about a year after I, I semi retired or quit, um, you know, left my, my, my career, my job, um, my life changed again, ultimately for so much better. And I'm so happy with where I am today. So I know, I feel like, I felt like I was going to rewarded for that. So, um, it's a big deal. And I'll tell you a little bit about that in a, in a minute here. So just, just hold on to that. We'll get to there when we get to there. So that was a major life decision for me that had to, I had to decide at that moment and I did, and it took that time. So that was big. And I thought at the time, like that was going to be like the biggest thing that was going to happen to me, you know, for a few years. And then, uh, about a year later, I went through a divorce after 27 years of marriage, and I'm not going to get into the details of that, but I'll say this, that Parkinson's does affect relationships and it expects, it affects them in ways that you don't even expect it. So you have to change with the dynamics and the future that we're going to have. And sometimes despite our best efforts, things, they just don't work out. And so that was a tough period for me, but looking back, I could see it as, as part of the journey. And I'm not blaming Parkinson's for it at all. Obviously there was probably other things that were here while there was other things that were, were going on. You know, the reality of Parkinson's and that diagnosis and that fear of the future and what was going to happen probably weighed a lot into, uh, that final decision. So, so, uh, yeah. So anyway, so I thought, again, I thought that, that the job thing was going to be, uh, the major thing for a few years. And it turns out that it was, uh, uh, quite minor actually, to be, to be honest. And anyway, so, you know, there were other things that I had to let go to, um, spontaneity, you know, because now I have to plan my days around my medication and my energy levels. Um, you know, some of the hobbies and things that I used to do, uh, they just don't let me do it the way I used to. And, um, I don't know, I'm, I'm really competitive. So, um, you know, things like golf, which I really, really enjoy, you know, I was getting to a point where, you know, after about nine holes, I was, I was really exhausted. My feet were just like, it was like pulling cement blocks with me, uh, as I was trying to walk. And, um, you know, I felt like, I felt like I was being punished when I had to try to have fun. So I go and play golf and, um, for two days later, like the next two days after I golf for two whole days, uh, I ached, you know, it was just like awful. It might, everything hurt. My back hurt. My legs hurt. My butt hurt. My shoulders hurt. You name it, it, it hurt. Um, and, and it just, it got to the point where it was that worth it. So, um, you know, I had to modify the way I did that. I had to maybe cut back. I cut back from 18 holes to nine holes. Um, you know, taking a, taking a cart more often than I wanted to and sort of modify, you know, my expectations of myself in a way. And that's one thing you really have to look at is, well, you know, we, we, we, we set the highest expectation for ourselves, um, than anybody does. And, and, you know, sometimes we set them so high, they're hard to attain and they're hard to live up to. So I think I'm gonna really look at it and say, and it's funny, you know, I don't use PD as an excuse for a lot of things, but you know, sometimes we do have that PD card though, right? Like, um, as a joke, my, my wife will say something to, you know, we'll say something and, um, you know, you, you've got to take, you've got to take the garbage out last night and you know, why did you forget that? You know, you know, now, now we have to wait a week for the garbage and she's, you know, I love her. Don't get, don't get wrong. She's not nagging. She's just like what, you know, what happened? You said you were going to take it out and you didn't take it out. Well, um, you know how partisan it goes sometimes and your mind just slips or it gets focused on one thing and you can't multitask that well and as good as you used to, which is another change that you have to adapt to. Um, but you know, sometimes I'll just look at her and I'll just say, well, you know, honey, I don't know if you realize this, but I do have a brain disorder and it's progressive and there's no cure for it. And sometimes it affects the way I do things and think. And that's, so you can imagine the reaction again on that. Yes. Uh, it's in it's and it's fun and we have a good time with that. But, uh, anyway, so those are another things that you have to adapt and change. And this change thing is, it's, it's like, my goodness or my goodness, you know, what, what's going to have to change today. And that's the one thing that, you know, whether, where, wherever you are on this journey, if you've just been diagnosed and just starting out, or, you know, maybe you've been, you know, it's for me, it's been 15 years now on this journey. And, and if you're, you know, for those listeners watching, maybe it's been longer for you, maybe it's in between, but it doesn't matter. Um, you know, you have to become a change agent and you have to be okay with it because every day can be different, right? Everything's changing. And I don't know about you, but you know, one of my famous lines was at my six month, uh, uh, checkup, uh, checkup, my six month appointment with my doctor is always, um, you know, I take my little list in of things that are different, things that are, have happened over the six months, you know, how my medications reacting to my body, how my off times are, how long my medication is lasting. Um, you know, I, I keep a diary of all of that. And we go into the, to the doctor's office. My wife and I will go in every six months. And while I should say, sometimes I feel like it's, uh, my wife's name is Carmen, it feels like Carmen and my doctor are having an appointment. I'm just sitting there. She discusses everything that I'm going through. So, uh, and, and bless her for that. She's a great care partner. So anyway, um, but you know, we'll, we'll go through that. And my biggest question always is like, is this, you know, I'll say like, Hey, this is happening now, but I don't know if it's Parkinson's or if it's just old age, you know, and he'll go like, that one's old age. I'm like, okay, great. You know, extract that up to old age. He goes, no, no, that's part of the Parkinson's. And now what are we gonna do to try to either see if we can modify, um, my mindset around it or modify, you know, adapt to the change. And that's the one big thing is, is when I say you have to be a change agent, you have to be able to deal with the change. You know, there's a lot of things you don't have to just change. When I say change, it doesn't mean like stop. Right. And I think a lot of people think that they, sometimes they think change means stop, and it, maybe there are some things that you have to stop, you know, for the betterment of you or, uh, the betterment of prolonging, um, the symptoms of this disease, but, but change doesn't mean stop things means adapting. Change means kind of, you know, turning and going to the direction or modifying the way you have to do it. So I would challenge you if there's things that you've just stopped doing. Hey, I got diagnosed with Parkinson's. I have to stop. Right. Um, you know, I've heard a lot of stories where people have just stopped working. You know, I've got diagnosed and I stopped working because I had Parkinson's and, you know, it's 10 years later and they're kind of going like, my goodness, I could have still been working. And, um, you know, and, and then again, there's some that have to, so I'm not trying to, excuse me, I'm not trying to, to put anybody in a box, but I just want you to think about, you know, when something is different, right. Change most of the time means adapting or, or adjusting the way we do it. So one of the things that I hate and I had to adjust to, and I, I'll be honest with you, I can't, this, I call this the, the good, the bad, bad, and the reality. And you know what I actually hate? I hate that my life revolves around three hour increments. It actually frustrates me, you know, um, that, you know, you wake up in the morning, you know, pre-diagnosis or, you know, and again, please, no offense, but I always say like normal, you know, before this, before this came on and, you know, you'd get up in the morning and you'd think about your day and, you know, you think about the end, you know, start of the day, hey, I've got to do all this, this, this, this, and this today. And at the end, I'm gonna do this. And then I went to bed, right. Where now my life revolves around this three hour cycle of my medication. So it's like, I wake up, you know, I take my medication first thing and, which is always fun because I can't really do it that well in the morning when the worst is, my worst for me and my symptoms are in the morning. And if you're curious or not, some people said, oh, you look so good. Um, I can't believe you don't have Parkinson's. Uh, I can't believe you have Parkinson's. Sorry. I can't believe you have Parkinson's. It's, it's like, you know, when you're seeing me right now on camera, you're seeing me at my best. I mean, I'm, I've got my medications down pat. I don't, I'm not silly. I don't just, you know, try to do it when I know I'm going to be in an off period or, or if I'm having a bad day or a very, very slow day, but my predominant, um, symptoms are, are the stiffness, the soreness and slowness and balance. Um, you know, I do have tremors. I have a tremor on both sides, predominantly my right side, my right foot, my right and my right hand. Um, you know, uh, and sometimes I think that I'm strong enough to ward them away, but, um, but that stiffness and, and the, um, stiffness and the, the soreness and the, and whatnot in the morning is just unbelievable. So, you know, I can't, I can't open my pills in the morning. Um, so I either have to have them preset or my wife, you know, feeds them to me. Uh, but, um, you know, and then 20, 30 minutes later, I'm, I'm ready to go and I can start getting up and slowly moving into my day because even then it takes us that slow movement, it's like kind of just getting going. And if you've seen any of my other stuff, I, I, I always say that I liken it to the Tin Man from, uh, the Wizard of Oz where, you know, at the beginning of the movie, he's just standing there stiff, they're stuck and stiff. And then, you know, Dorothy, I think it was Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Yeah, I think so. If I'm wrong, put, put the comments to what the, what the real name was, but I think it was Dorothy. Um, anyway, she starts squirting the oil can and he slowly starts to, you know, he starts moving that oil around and finally gets out of that and he gets into the zone of like, okay, now I can move. And that's kind of exactly what it feels like for me anyway, uh, in the morning. So, but anyway, from that moment on, so if I get up at 6am, um, then I know that my, my timers on my phone, my timers on my watch, my timers on my, you know, smart devices are all going to be hammering down at three hours. They're all going to go off. So my house is like lights up, everything, my phones go off, everything goes off at three hours, um, because I got to take that, that next dose of, of medication. And so, you know, and then it's three hours from then and it's three hours from then and it's three hours from then. So there's a lot of planning that we have to go through. And, and if that is, I mean, let's be honest, let's just be straight honest. It stinks. Like, I hate it. I hate to say that I have to plan that around. So, you know, like I said, even like filming this video, I'm like, Hey, I'm going to, I'm going to film a podcast today. I'm going to, I'm going to record something today. Um, then I have to think about, you know, I can't just randomly, spontaneously do it. Like I maybe could have done in the past. I have to stop and go, okay, what time do I want to do it? What time are my meds? You know, blah, blah, blah. So I'm usually, you know, 20 minutes after my medication is probably the best time I might pick my best on time. So I plan accordingly. And so that stinks, right? But, but you know what, it stinks, but it's doable, you know? And so there's a lot of times we can start feeling sorry for ourselves and we can start, you know, isolating and we can start kind of, you know, getting cranky and mad and upset and everything else. But the reality is, is what it is. Um, and some people have are worse off than, than us and some people better than us, but it doesn't matter. And the reality is, is that you want to live your life, you know, to the best of your ability. So, um, you know, I encourage you to, uh, to do that. And I've been asked so many times about my medication, like when, uh, you know, when do I take it? What am I taking? You know, how do I take it? You know, do, how do I plan it around my meals or what I'm eating? Or do I, do I take it with, you know, coffee or water or alcohol? It doesn't matter. And so I did a webinar a few years ago on medication and it was really well received. It was for, with Parkinson Canada. And I, and so I, I think it's a really important point. So, you know, stay tuned to the channel. I'll have some, um, some more dedicated things that will, I will go through my medications and what I take and what I don't take. And I know that I'm not going to give medical advice, but I will tell you what I'm taking so that you can kind of look at me and, and, and feed yourself for your doctors. And, and that's a, a big, big point there is that, um, and you know, if you've been around the Parkinson community long enough, you hear a lot about advocates at, I can never say that word, right. Advocacy, advocacy, advocacy, that sounds silly, but advocacy anyway. Um, uh, and, and the reality is, is the very first, uh, advocate that you have to be is for yourself and with your medical teams, your health professionals, your doctors, you know, you have to don't, don't just take status quo. Like literally, like literally I have a journal that I go through and if I'm starting to feel different, anything different, I write it down, you know, when it was, um, what it was, how long it lasted, um, or if it's still, you know, to this day, still going on. And I kinda, and I share that with them and I'm like, okay, so this is what's starting to happen. And then if it is a medication thing, then we adjust accordingly and we try different things together. But if I just went in every day and I know it's hard, you know, especially, um, and no offense to, to, to, well, no, I know it's hard. You know, when we go to the doctor, I always, it's unbelievable. Everybody I talk to, it's like, why do we want to be our best at the doctor? You know, uh, and you know, the tricks, right? You know, the movement disorder specialist, the neurologist tricks. It's like, uh, when I first got, when I first went to the movement, uh, movement disorder, uh, specialist, you know, it was the first time a doctor came out to the lobby to get me, you know, normally they just, you know, the, the clerk or the nurse or whoever it might be, we'll put you in a room and say, you know, the doctor will be short with you shortly. And I remember sitting in this waiting room and look up and there's this fellow standing there and calling my name and he's going to walk down the hallway with me. And I'm like, what is he doing? And you know, now, of course, we're wise to the tricks because he's monitoring, watching and studying your every move to see if your arms swinging, to see what your balance looks like. And, uh, and I appreciate them so much, but it's like after a few times, I'm like, now I know why they come out there. I thought they were just super nice. I'm like, these, these neurologists and movement disorder specialists are the nicest doctors ever. They even come out and greet you and walk with you and, you know, like we're friends and, uh, but the gigs up, I got you, you know, just kidding. Um, but anyway, I say that to say this, that everything I do, you know, I discussed with my doctor and, and because the appointments are so sporadic, not sporadic, they're on time, but they're every six months. I mean, how the heck do you remember what you did, you know, five months ago or something that happened. So I write it down, I keep it, you know, uh, journal with me. And then when I get to the doctor, I just go through it. Hey, you know what? In January, I was experiencing this and February kind of went away and now it's back and I go through the whole thing. And, but if I didn't, if I tried to be all tough and cool and strong, like, like, like I know some of you try to do and I've done too, don't get me wrong. I don't know why I've done it, but I literally, like, I don't, I don't want to make them, I don't want to look like I have this. Right. So I'm doing everything I can do to, to, you know, hold my hand and make sure I'm not shaking and trying to get everything right. And kind of how's it going? I'm doing great. No crack and joke. And there's nothing wrong with cracking jokes and having a great positive attitude and mindset, but the reality is that you have to be honest. You have to tell him what, tell him or her, um, when you're feeling different, when things are just really different and accordingly change. And I wanted some of the best advice I got from, um, the doctor, um, that I was on a panel with it, um, at a PDIQ event, uh, I was on a moderator panel with a, with a moving source specialist. And, and she told me afterwards, she said, you're, um, you know, your progression progresses at the rate it's progressing. Right. So, um, and I thought about that and it's kind of hard, but your progression of this disease will progress at the same rate normally, you know, nine times out of 10 at the same rate that it has been progressing. So for me, there was like such as this bright light of, of, wow, okay, I'm doing the right things because, you know, 15 years into this, have I progressed? Oh my God, I've progressed. Even my like, even speaking, this is what you have to understand when I've been filming videos or sitting here talking, it's one of those things I got, I'm like, oh boy, please, please, please last, please. My voice, I can't project as much. That's why I'm trying to use a better mic to, to pick it up. Cause I, uh, you know, I have lost the ability to project in the air and I lose my breath sometimes. And my memory recall is not that great. So I have, you know, triggers to remind myself what I wanted to talk about. Um, in the past, I've been a speaker for a long time. I've spoken to people like crowds of thousands of people. Um, as I traveled across the United States and Canada and putting on seminars and putting on conferences and speaking at conferences. So it was like my big thing. It was like my wheelhouse, things I love to do, the things I love to do. Um, and now it's being robbed of me. Right. So I had to adjust. I had to change that again to get better. Mike, you know, some cue cards, um, some, some things that will trigger my memory to say, oh, don't forget to tell them this. Oh, or, or say this or, Hey, here's, remember that story? It goes like this because that memory recall is just an awful thing for me that, again, I had to adjust to. So, um, you know, there's some, some little nuggets and tips in there as well. It's like, you know, do you have to cue yourself? Do you have to do like whatever these little things are for you to do, to change and modify rather than stop? Because I'll be honest. Um, I stopped speaking for a long time. I really did. I was like, no, that's it. I'm, I don't want to be made. I don't want to look like a fool. I don't want to have, be sitting there and can't recall a word and look silly in front of people. And I'm like, why would I want to embarrass myself like that? So I'm not going to do it at all. I'm just gonna, I'm just not do it. I'm going to, and, and, and the reality, I said a lot, right? But, but the, the reality is, is that, that I enjoy doing it. I want to help people. I want to advocate. I want to get the word out. I want to encourage, I want to inspire. I want whatever I can do. I want to do it. So, um, you know, I had to push myself. I had to take speech therapy. I had like, which was, oh my gosh, I've talked about that so many times, but it was just, it was amazing. Don't get me wrong. I am a huge advocate for speech therapy. And if you haven't taken speech therapy and your partner or somebody in your life or people at work are saying, Hey, I can't hear you anymore. Hey, you're not talking loud enough or, you know, all this kind of stuff. That's the first sign like right away, because, you know, as Parkinson's goes and as it, as it starts to progress, like I'll, my, my, my wife will say, I'll say something. My wife will say, pardon me. Like, what, what did you say? And I'll repeat it thinking I'm talking louder. And she'll say, I still didn't get that. So I'll say it again, thinking I'm even louder. And the truth is it's that she's still like, Hey, you're not speaking any louder, but my brain is telling me I am. And it's just, it's crazy, but, but you have to, you have to adjust. So I went to speech therapy and, Oh my goodness. Like I said, just huge, huge, huge decibels back. And this is a funny little process on how to get there, but it works. And so I, again, I might not go all over the place, don't I? But, you know, this is, this is the format of what I'm doing here. And the format is just to talk, talk, share, share some stories, hopefully provide you some advice. Hopefully, hopefully, you know, maybe even talk about some of the things I did wrong and mistakes I made so that you don't have to make them and you can lean off that a little bit. So, so we're already now where, where, when did I lose this meeting? When did this get out of hand? But anyway, I was talking about, you know, my job and I had to change that or stop that. And then my, well, my marriage had to stop that. And again, both decisions at the time were awful, gut-wrenching. My life is over type of decisions. And in both areas, it's just incredible what's happened to me and my journey, and I'm so happy. So, um, yeah, and we, we talked about golf too, but, but, you know, that independence, you know, I think about that too, like independence, because sometimes you have to ask for help and that's not always easy, but here's the thing, like letting go doesn't mean giving up. Like I just said, it just means making room for what comes next. So again, letting go doesn't mean giving up. It just makes room for what's coming next. And that's so important. It's so, so important. Um, so if you can remember that, that'd be great or rewind and write it down. But how about you? Have you had to stop doing something or just something like right away? I'd love to hear about that in the comments. If you, you know, just, I'd like to share, like to be able to kind of go back and forth. I have some things that I've had to change as well. Um, and it kind of comes right back to that, to that, that job. So when I left my work, work in 2021, I, again, was, was nervous. You know, I knew it was the right thing to do, but it was obviously fearful and scared. That's over a year. I, I, I tried to find myself, what am I going to do? What can I do? How do I modify, you know, what I'm doing? And so I did a few things, you know, with Partners in Canada, I did some webinars and I did some radio interviews and some awareness during Partners Awareness Month, which is usually it's in April of every year. So I was doing things like that. And, and I, I really started finding a sense of, um, purpose, a purpose, because I would go to an event or speak at something or be on a webinar. And then, you know, I'd have one or two people to say, well, my gosh, I went through the same thing. And how did you deal with this? Or how'd you deal with that? And, and I'd, I'd give, you know, as much time as I could and went through with it. And I just, I was like really feeling like, Hey, if I, if I'm doing some things that are okay and my mind is, I'm, I'm excited for the future now because it's such an awful thing to go through and to try to adjust to that, if I can do anything to give back, I want to give back. And, you know, so it's led me in my career to starting at Partners in Canada. I started there in 2022. And it gave me this really new sense of purpose, right? It was like totally different than what I'd done before, but it allowed me to use those experiences to help others. And that's been the biggest shift for me is realizing that my, my career might look different, but it doesn't mean it's any less meaningful. Actually, it's way more meaningful. I've always had to change the way to approach my daily life. You know, before Partners, I could just push through the day, right? But now I have to listen to my body. I have to plan all these things out, right? When I move, when I rest, you know, what I ignore, you know, otherwise I'm going to pay for it later, as I talked about. And my relationships, you know, too, changed, like as, you know, divorced in 2021 or 22, I can't remember now exactly, but, you know, I just got married in 2024, you know, and it was right around, you know, these, it was just right around all these things and this most incredible person, you know, came into my life shortly after my divorce. And, you know, but the truth is I had to learn from my mistakes and I had to learn, you know, what my part of these decisions were. And I, you know, things were going to be different this time around. I wasn't, you know, things are going to be really different. You know, I had to be more open about my needs and my limitations and my reality. But I also had to realize and recognize that love can still thrive in the middle of uncertainty and it really, really does. It's, it's awesome. I'm so happy. And, you know, and that's just me. That's, you know, what's something, there's something that you've had to change that I noticed, but now it's thriving, it's different, you know, again, let me know, I'd love to hear, you know, your stories and mine's just a story. We all have stories. Um, you know, we all have stories, but again, you know, what's changed. Sometimes you just have to adapt things that aren't going to go away, but you figure out how to live with them or things that you want to always have in your life, just how to live with them. And really you have to become okay with asking for help. And that's a tough one for me because I was, I've always been independent, right? Always independent, always did things, you know, what Parkinson's has taught me that sometimes you have to lean on others and you have to be okay with it. And it is okay. And, you know, you have to just like let others help you as well, because, you know, sometimes it actually helps them because people do want to help you. They don't want to help us. And a lot of times we're just, you know, we won't be honest or vulnerable enough to let them know that we need that help. And again, frustrating. I get it. Totally get it. I mean, I'm looking out my window right now and there's a lot of snow when I'm living, I live in middle of Canada and it's been awfully cold and a lot of snow. And, you know, one of the things I had to give up was, was shoveling. And, uh, Oh shoot. That was what I didn't mind giving up to be honest. Um, you know, so I had to hire somebody to come and shovel my, my, my, my, my, my sidewalk and shovel my driveway. And, um, at the beginning it was like, I did it because I just couldn't, I just didn't want to, again, I didn't want to waste valuable time with my wife and my kids being sore or tired because it snowed out and I had to go shovel. So, you know, I hired someone to do it. And at the beginning it was, it was really hard because I'd look out the window, I'm like, why am I paying someone to shovel? I could go out there and shovel. I could, you know, I could. And then there's always that fear of like, what do other people think about that? You know, what am I, what do my friends think about that when they're, you know, I'll, I'll talk to a friend or a family member and I'm like, Oh, what'd you do today? And they're like, Oh my God, what do you mean? We, what everybody did, we spent the day digging out of the snowstorm and having to dig and snowblow for hours. And I go, and I'm thinking to myself, Oh God, I didn't have to do that. I'm happy. I'm thankful I did it. But then I was worried, like, what do they think? Maybe they, do they think I'm lazy? Do they think that I'm using this as an excuse? And you'll get kind of like hit with those thoughts and they're awful thoughts and they're terrible thoughts and they're really not even logical thoughts, but they, but all of a sudden you start hitting them. They'll be like, Oh my God, maybe they think I'm lazy. Maybe they think, you know, maybe I should just do it. Maybe I should, you know, get rid of this person and just do it myself. And you have to get to that point that your life and your wellbeing and your happiness and your, uh, really good times are really important. They're so important. And I came to that mindset that the best days of my best, the best days of my life are going to make up my best life. And I didn't want those best moments when I could, you know, when I could be, you know, I don't know, playing a game with my wife or watching a program or, um, you know, being on the deck and enjoying the sun. Uh, I, I, I waste that time being curled up in the corner cause I was doing things that I shouldn't be doing. So, and you know, and that's, that's the crazy thing too about partners is right. Cause it's so unpredictable. This it's just unpredictable. Some days are good. Some days are bad. Some days are, I don't know. You just wake up and think, what the hell is this? But I've learned that I, that I can't control everything. And what I can control though is how I respond to it and what I do and the actions behind it. So, you know, the big thing about that is I really had to adapt my mindset. You know, Parkinson's has taken things from me, but it's also forced me to slow down and to appreciate like the small things, right. And appreciate time and the focus on what really matters. I never would have chosen this path, but I still make the most of it. You know, I don't think any, well, who would, nobody would choose this path. Nobody would choose this path. Um, but I, but we have it and that's the reality. So I spent a lot of time asking why, why me? Why this, like, why, why, why, why, why? You know, and I started, I was trying to do all this, this, this knowledge, but I was trying to educate myself on it. Like, okay, my grandmother had Parkinson's. So, you know, what's the percentage of people living in Canada that, that, that they're inherit this, this gene and should I get testing here and testing there, and I was, I was really, so I don't know why, what I thought I would learn or why I don't know, I don't know what I thought would feel better about having known how I got it. Right. I played hockey growing up as a kid. I probably had it back in those days, the seventies and early eighties. I probably had a million contusions, you know, and I'm diagnosed, I'm looked at. And so could it be that, could it have been that if I didn't play hockey, something that I really enjoy, if I didn't play hockey, um, maybe I wouldn't have this or, you know, things like that. And so it's, but it's almost debilitating. That's that mindset I had to change. My mindset was, I had to change was it at this point, you know, sure. I do. I want to know cats. Nice to know. And eventually whatever, maybe, maybe I will, but I don't want to spend my life trying to dig into the why. I want to spend the rest of the good days of my life is this is living, right? And that's why I call this doing life today. Like do life today. Don't just live life. Do it, do it to the extreme, do things that you never dreamed of. And so when I say all that, and I just said previous to that, that I've had to learn how to slow down, that's probably been one of the, one of the hardest things for me, because I was always a, I was like a pinball. I just bam, bam, bam. I'd be flying all over the place, doing a million things at once at a, at, at, at top notch speed. Um, and slowing down to me was always, I always equated it to laziness or, um, you know, uninspired or not, not passionate. And so, um, it took me a long time to realize, you know, and, you know, number one is it took me a long time. Like I was slowing down regardless, but I had to literally slow myself down at the same time. I had to slow my mind down to match my body, if that made sense. And then I just let my body down to match my mind. Cause you know, that this Parkinson thing is that I, I, I made a, I made a, I do these, you know, these, I don't know if you've seen them before, if you watch them, hopefully you do, and hopefully you don't mind them, but I do a daily kind of motivational, hopefully motivational, maybe funny thing about Parkinson's every morning. It's just one of those things that I like to start my day off with. Just thinking about something that I can make fun of or, um, because then if I make fun of it or I, I, I kind of put it in its place, it doesn't seem as powerful, right? Like I'll do one about walking, you know, the, Hey, I wanted to go walking with my foot, wouldn't listen to my brain or my brain and my feet were having an argument or, you know, spilling my coffee and, you know, things that would frustrate me. I kind of look at them and try to make, make a, uh, make fun of them. Then I feel like I take the power back from that Parkinson's has. Parkinson's doesn't have the power over me, right? I have it, but it doesn't have power over me. I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's controlling sometimes my brain and what I'm doing, but it's again, how I'm going to react to it and how I'm going to deal with it and what my mood's going to be like at the end that, uh, uh, me and I'm going to go down smiling and I'm going to go down smiling. So, and I hope you do too. And I hope you're getting something out of this. I really, really do. And I'm thankful that you're listening and, um, we've got some exciting things that I'm working on that are going to be coming out here and to keep doing these podcasts, obviously that you, um, you know, again, by that response rate, it was well received. And I, and I hope that, uh, you know, I hope that you continue on this journey with me and I want to go on that journey with you as well. So, you know, make sure you reach out, reach, reach out, put things in the comments. And I don't want you to remember this though. At the end of the day, Parkinson's is like a masterclass in change and it forces us to stop the change, to adapt, but it also teaches us resilience. So if you're struggling with that change right now, I want you to know this. You're not alone. You just, just because life looks different than you expect, it doesn't mean that it can't still be meaningful. So if this episode resonated with you, please take a moment to like and comment, subscribe, and let's keep the conversation going and I'm going to see you on the next one of these living life with Parkinson's the good, the bad.